I miss writing for writing’s sake. I have this new website for my mini yoga business and future women circles (which I keep writing about but not actually doing!), and I even got back to social media for it after having had a glorious break, but I have not found my true way with these new Nina-outlets.
Maybe I am meant to be writing in English after all. It goes much easier, funnily. I think that is partly because since it’s not my main language, it feels less sincere and important and more fun. But of course in this case, my yoga copy is supposed to be selling yoga classes (eventually…), instead of just filling up a random blog named Munching on a Dream. 🙂 So that’s a different story!
And also, I would really want to have a huge positive impact in the world and I would love to use my writing for it, and my voice, but I have not completely found my way yet. And I am being quite hard on myself.
I keep thinking, it creeps up on me, that there is a way for me, as if it should be a very clear one-direction road and I should be able to see it in front of me. So I tend to wait until I see this road.
While instead this road ahead likely is a meandering one, and it is okay if I only see a few steps ahead instead of my whole life planned out. I only have to take one step at a time, right?
So yeah, I want to facilitate women circles, but the truth is that I am scared. I love the idea and it keeps coming back to me, regardless of how hard I try to ignore it, but I am scared that it won’t work, that I am not able to do it.
It’s good that I am writing this out, because it helps me to see it more clearly.
I am scared that the women who show up will get bored or disappointed. I am scared that my women circles will not be entertaining enough. I am scared that I don’t get the right words out, that my mind goes blank and I cannot speak. I am scared that I find it difficult to judge when to interrupt a person who has been speaking quite long. I am scared that a woman will feel hurt and that I don’t know how to be there for her, that I cannot decide whether to comfort her or to let her be. I am scared that too little women show up, like zero or one, and that it will be awkward. I am scared that the women who show up don’t take me seriously, or that I don’t take myself seriously. I am scared of not trusting myself. I am scared of being too tense and not being able to relax.
Maybe I am also scared that my judgement will be that it is not for me after all and that I have been making all that fuzz in my head about it and then I have to let it all go. And I will be left with nothing to dream about.
And maybe I am also scared that it will be amazing, a great success story. Maybe I’ll totally love it, and the women who show up love it and then I’ll have to keep doing it. It will be a lot of work for me, and I don’t know if I can handle that…
That would really be great because I would love to work towards something that I deeply care about, like creating a safe space for women in which they can fully be themselves. I would love to create the space that I long for so deeply. But it is also scary to go for it.
This is interesting! I should continue clarifying the vision of what will happen if it will be a great success. That is actually more frightening than what would happen if it won’t be, because it may change my life for good. Hence the fear of success. Hello my friend!
Ah, that was great. What a good practice. I will continue this in my diary.
Thank you Munching on a Dream and readers for letting me fully be myself. This blog is my one-woman circle. 🙂
But please pop in if you have somehing to share!